What if it Happened Differently Part II
by BillyMartinGoodCharlottefan
Summary: A sequel to my other story. It's about what happened when Ponyboy comes home from the asylum.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: I'm back with another story. I know I was writing another one, but I got writer's block on that one and came up with this idea. It's a sequel to my other story "What if it Happened Differently". It's about what happens when Ponyboy comes home from the asylum. I hope you all like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own "The Outsiders" by S.E. Hinton.

What if it Happened Differently Part II

Chapter One

We got from the asylum about a half hour later. I was dreading going inside; I'd have to go through all of Aurora's stuff. In a way, I thought it was disrespectful, but it could also be a way to remember her, I guess.

As soon as I got in the house, I saw the boxes sitting on the living room floor. I knew they were Aurora's.

"Do you want any help?" Soda asked.

I shook my head. "I just want to be alone for a while."

Soda nodded. "Darry and I will be outside if you need us."

He and Darry walked outside. They were probably going to clean up our tiny backyard. There had been a lot of storms lately, and the yard was covered with tree branches and leaves.

I took a deep breath and opened the first box. There were a few dance costumes; most of her clothes had been donated to Goodwill, but I guess they couldn't get rid of these. At the bottom of the box were her dance shoes. I picked up a pair of her tap shoes and clicked the heels together. Tap had been Aurora's favorite kind of dance. A tear slid down my cheek. I missed Aurora so much.

Most of her dance shoes were beat up. I was only allowed to keep a few of her things, so I threw out all the shoes except for a pair of tap shoes, and a kid-sized pair of ballet shoes. They were her first pair ever.

"When I get famous one day, these will be worth thousands," Aurora had said. "I'll never get rid of these."

It would have been wrong to get rid of that pair.

I opened the second box. There were several records, some stuffed animal rabbits, some jewelry, a bunch of books that I'd already read, programs from all the plays she was in, and an empty tin of Altoids that had "Merry Christmas Aurora, from Pony" written on it. I smiled through my tears when I saw that. I'd given her those Altoids when we were in fourth grade…

There was something else in the box, a composition notebook. I knew that that had been her diary. I knew I shouldn't read it, but my curiosity got the best of me. I opened it.

Mainly all the entries were about her dance competitions, plays, or her bitching about her mom. She said some stuff about me, like how she'd do suicide if it wasn't for me. There were several drawings of rabbits and a list of names for if she ever got a rabbit. One of the names on it was Flopsy; that was what she had named the stuffed animal rabbit that she had in the asylum. I started crying even harder, my tears landing on the pages and blurring the ink.

I got to the last entry in her diary…November 13; the day before my parents were killed and Aurora ran away.

The entry said:

_11-13_

_It's cold. I want a rabbit. I'm skipping out on my ballet class; I hate ballet. I also hate my mom. Yesterday she said she'd kill me, not that that's anything new. She says that a lot. She's at work now, thank God. Whenever she's home, she beats me up, or yells at me. No one understands. Pony is the closest to understanding. I've never told him this, but I love him; more than anyone. _

The entry stopped there, maybe her mom came home and she had to leave. I don't know, and I never will. The thought hit me; when Aurora had said 'I love you' the day she died…she had really meant it. It hurt more than ever then to think about Aurora. I slammed her diary shut and shoved it into the bottom of one of the boxes. I was regretting ever opening it.

I couldn't stop crying. I was sitting on the couch, holding one of Aurora's stuffed animal rabbits. It smelled like her. I buried my face into its fur, my tears making it soaking wet. I heard the door open and I looked up. It was Darry. He sat down next to me on the couch and put his arm around me.

"'You OK?" He asked. I think he knew the answer.

"I miss her," I replied.

Darry didn't say anything, I was glad. I didn't feel much like talking. He sat on the couch with me until I had stopped crying.

"I'd better go back out," Darry said. "Soda is probably wondering what happened to me. Do you need anything?"

I shook my head. I really didn't want Darry to leave. If he left, I would be all alone with my memories of Aurora. I didn't want to be alone. I was about to tell Darry not to leave, but he'd already gone outside. Maybe I just needed a nap; I'd been too excited about leaving the asylum to get any sleep last night. I laid down on the couch and closed my eyes. I realized I was still holding the stuffed animal rabbit, but I didn't care, I didn't want to get up and put it into the box.

The couch was lumpy, but I was tired and I was starting to feel depressed again. The sun was setting, and it gave the room a pinkish color; it was really pretty, but its beauty was lost to me. I just made me think of Aurora, her favorite color had been pink. I started crying again. I missed Aurora. I cried myself to sleep.

I dreamed that I was back in the Asylum. I was in Aurora's room; she was dying. Then I was back at my house. My parents were lying dead in twin pools of blood. Aurora's mom was a few feet away from them. Aurora was trying to say something, but I couldn't hear her. Then she turned and ran out of the door. Those scenes played over and over in my head. I wanted it to stop. I could faintly hear someone saying my name, but it wasn't enough to stop the nightmare.

I woke up wild-eyed and screaming a few minutes later.

Soda was sitting on the arm of the couch. Darry was looking nervously at me from the kitchen door.

"You were having a nightmare," Soda said.

I fought back the urge to yell at him, or say something sarcastic. I didn't want to hurt Soda's feelings right then. I needed him to comfort me. I realized I was shaking; the dream had really scared me.

Soda slid off the arm of the couch and sat next to me. I had told myself that I would prove to Darry and Soda that I wasn't crazy, but I wasn't doing a very good job of that.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I should be back at the asylum; I'm still crazy."

"You just had a nightmare," Soda said. "It'll be OK."

I kept crying.

"What was it about?" Soda asked.

"Aurora was in it," I said. "I saw her die, and then I was back at home; mom and dad were lying on the floor and they weren't moving. There was so much blood…" My voice trailed off and I started crying again.

Darry was sitting next to me by then. Both he and Soda were trying to comfort me. They somehow managed to calm me down after a few minutes. We sat in silence for a few minutes, and then a timer went off in the kitchen.

"Dinner is ready," Darry said. "'You hungry?"

I shook my head, "I think I'll just go to bed early."

Darry nodded, "Come get us if you need anything."

"OK," I said as I walked in the direction of the room Soda and I shared.

I hadn't been there in over a year, and it still looked the same. The paint was still peeling off the walls, and there were pictures of horses on the walls that Soda had cut out from magazines. The bed was still against the wall farthest away from the door, and my pillow was still on the side closest to the wall. I laid down on the bed, but didn't go to sleep. Our house is small, so I could hear Darry and Soda talking in the kitchen. I decided that eavesdropping on them was more fun that having another nightmare. Their conversation switched awkwardly from one topic to another for a while, but then it finally settled on one thing. Me.

"How do you think he's doing?" Soda asked.

"I don't know," Darry replied.

"He seems distant," Soda said. "I don't like the sound of his nightmare either."

"His psychologist said that was normal, didn't he?" Darry asked.

"Yeah, but I don't like it," Soda said.

"I don't either," Darry said.

They were quiet for the rest of dinner. I wondered if all their conversations had been like that when I was in the asylum. Darry and Soda just weren't acting like themselves.

Or maybe I wasn't acting like myself.

I got bored of lying on the bed, and I could hear the TV on in the living room. I decided to get up and see what Darry and Soda were watching.

Darry and Soda were both sitting on the couch. Soda looked up when I came in. I smiled at him. He nodded.

"Did you have another nightmare?" Soda asked as I sat down.

"No," I replied. "Couldn't sleep."

I looked at the TV to see what Soda and Darry were watching. They were watching the news. The local crap was on. There had been a car wreck, but no serious injuries. It was supposed to rain again tomorrow. The animal shelter needed more volunteers, and the football team at the high school I went to before I got sent to the asylum had won the city championship.

"When'll I start school again?" I asked. I really didn't want to go back, but the football team being on the news had reminded me of that.

"I don't know," Darry said. "Soon enough, I guess."

I didn't want to think about what would happen when I went back to school. Everyone knew I had been in the asylum; they would all make fun of me. Coach probably wouldn't want an insane guy on the track team, even if I had gotten better, and the counselors would be all over me. The nurse would probably check my arms for cuts every day or something. I really didn't want to go back to school.

"Don't worry about school," Soda said. "You're allowed to stay out for two more weeks."

That made me feel a bit better. Two weeks would give me time to get used to everything; maybe I'd even stop missing Aurora so much.

At least, I hoped I would.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Aurora wasn't breathing.

I couldn't believe she was dead; I stared at her for several minutes before running out of the room. Dr. Murphy was waiting for me.

"Pony, I'm so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?" He said.

I didn't answer, I just turned and ran.

I saw that over and over. Was this part of the news? Change the channel, it's scaring me.

I could hear Two-Bit's voice somewhere in the background. I could also hear Darry saying something, he sounded a bit closer. Why didn't they come get me? Why didn't they rescue me?

My eyes snapped open. Darry was holding me, and Two-Bit was standing by the door.

"It was just a nightmare," Darry said.

A nightmare. Another one. That made two of them just today. When was I going to stop having nightmares?

Darry turned to Two-Bit. "Watch him for a minute," Darry said as he walked into the kitchen.

Two-Bit walked over to the couch and sat down next to me. "Hey kid," he said.

"Hi," I replied.

"So, I guess you're out of the asylum now?" Two-Bit asked.

I nodded.

"Glad you're back; wasn't the same without you," Two-Bit said.

I nodded again.

"Well, you're really social," Two-Bit said sarcastically.

"Just don't have much to say," I replied.

"That's cool, because I do," Two-Bit said.

"Dally got hauled in again," Two-Bit continued. "They're taking him to the state prison this time. He'll be in for several months, maybe even a year."

"What'd he do?" I asked.

"He beat up a cop," Two-Bit said.

"He _what_?" I asked.

"Beat up a cop. Gosh kid, first you go crazy, now you go deaf. What's next?" Two-Bit said.

I smiled. Two-Bit was helping me forget the nightmare.

"Anyway, we're going to go see Dally tomorrow, before they take him to the state pen. Do you want to come?" Two-Bit said.

"Sure," I replied.

"He wanted to talk to you," Two-Bit said. "Something about Aurora."

I didn't answer. I didn't know what I would have said. Two-Bit and I sat in silence until Darry came back in. Darry gave Two-Bit a look that said 'you should be going now'. Two-Bit got up off the couch and headed toward the door.

"See you later, Pony," Two-Bit said.

"Bye," I replied. The door slammed behind Two-Bit as he left.

Darry and I were quiet for a few minutes. Then he said "So, what was the dream about this time?"

"Aurora had just died. I looked at her for a few minutes, and then I ran out of the room. Dr. Murphy was there, and he tried to comfort me, but I wouldn't let him. I just ran away," I replied.

Darry didn't say anything. I started crying again.

"She died in my arms Dar," I sobbed. "Do you know how awful that was? Just seeing her die would have been bad enough but…"

I couldn't even finish my sentence. I was crying so much.

"It's OK, Pony," Darry said. "It'll be alright."

I kept crying. Darry led me into my room and told me to lie down. He said that Soda would be back soon, and to try to get some sleep. I nodded and Darry left the room. The room was dark. I turned on the light on the bedside table. So what if it was wasting electricity? I knew that I wouldn't have been able to sleep if the room was dark. I stared at the wall until my eyes fell shut and I drifted into a doze.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Morning didn't come soon enough. Every time I tried to sleep; I just had another nightmare. I didn't wake Soda up; there was no need for both of us to lose sleep. At about seven, I heard Darry get up. Since I obviously wasn't going to be sleeping, I decided to get up too.

"Hi Darry," I said as I walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Pony, how are…" Darry's voice trailed off. Then he said "Glory, Pony, didn't you get any sleep last night?"

"What?" I asked. I knew what he was talking about though; I had these really heavy dark circles under my eyes. I was also kind of pale.

"You look dead," Darry said. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine," I replied. But I wasn't fine, I felt drunk; I got that way when I was really tired.

"You're sure?" Darry asked.

I nodded. I didn't want Darry to worry about me.

I dozed on and off while waiting for Darry to fix breakfast. I felt a bit better when I woke up. I just hoped that I would be awake when we went to see Dally, and that Darry and Soda would let me see him.

I woke up to Darry shaking me. "Pony, wake up. Breakfast is ready."

I sat up and looked up at Darry; he was holding a plate of eggs and some orange juice.

"You're sure you're feeling OK," Darry said as he sat my breakfast down.

I was so tired; I wasn't really thinking when I replied "I couldn't sleep; kept having nightmares."

Darry sat down next to me. He didn't look mad; I thought he would have been. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. "Or Soda?"

"I didn't want to bother you," I said.

Darry sighed. "You wouldn't have been bothering me."

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

"It's alright, I'm not mad at you," Darry said. "But I think you should stay home today, I'll stay with you. I wasn't planning on going to see Dally in the first place."

I shook my head, "I have to go," I said. "Two-Bit said that Dally wanted to tell me something about Aurora."

Darry didn't say anything for a few minutes. I thought he hadn't heard me, and I was about to repeat what I'd said when Darry said. "OK, I guess you can go."

"Thanks," I said.

"But when we get back, you have to take a nap or something. You look horrible," Darry said.

I nodded, "Alright."

By the time I'd finished eating breakfast; it was almost nine. We had to be there by ten if we wanted to see Dally. I hurriedly got dressed and greased my hair back. I would shower later; I didn't have time now. When I walked into the living room, everyone else was there.

"Ready?" Darry asked.

"Yeah," I said.

Everyone stood up and we walked out to Two-Bit's car. We all managed to pile into Two-Bit's car and we started for the jail. I hoped that the breaks on Two-Bit's car were working again, and that I wouldn't fall asleep. I needed to talk to Dally.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

I was so tired I could hardly stand up. I stumbled through security, and I was just awake enough to notice that the guards paid special attention to me. I must have looked like I was high or something. I leaned on Darry as we walked down the endless hallways until we finally got to a waiting room. There was a door on the far side of the room. There was a cop standing by the door.

"You all here to see Dallas?" He asked.

We all nodded.

"You can see him," The cop said. "But one at a time and you each have five minutes, no more. Understood?"

We all nodded again.

"OK," the cop said. "Who's first?"

We all looked nervously at each other, then Two-Bit stood up.

"I guess I am," Two-Bit said.

"Follow me," the cop said.

Two-Bit and the cop disappeared through the door.

I looked around the waiting room. There were several chairs and couches; we were sitting in most of them. There was a table with magazines from last year on it. The walls were an ugly pink color, and there was only one window. There were bars on the window. I looked around a bit more and saw that there were several surveillance cameras in the room. Soda had noticed the cameras too. He was waving at one of them.

I had to keep pinching myself to stay awake. The minutes dragged by slowly; Two-Bit came back after what seemed like an eternity. Soda left when Two-Bit came back. My head was starting to hurt. I wanted to go home.

I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, I leaned my head against the back of the chair I was sitting in and closed my eyes. I hoped that I wouldn't have a nightmare.

But I didn't even get to sleep. Soda came back and Steve left. Then Soda and Two-Bit took it upon themselves to bother me.

"Hi Pony," Two-Bit said.

I opened my eyes. "Hi," I said coldly.

"What's wrong?" Soda asked. He seemed worried.

"Nothing. I'm fine," I said.

"You don't seem fine," Soda said.

"What's with your eyes?" Two-Bit asked.

"What do you mean?" I said.

"They're really red," Soda replied. "And they look kind of bruised underneath."

"Did you get jumped?" Two-Bit asked.

"No," I snapped. "I'm really tired, and I don't feel like talking. So if you could both leave…"

Soda and Two-Bit started backing away while making lame apologies like:

"We're sorry."

"Didn't know you weren't feeling good."

"We didn't mean to bother you."

What a bunch of crap. They didn't mean it; at least Two-Bit didn't, I could tell by the way he was smiling.

The door opened and Steve walked out, followed by the cop.

"Next," the cop said.

I looked at Darry. He shook his head and mouthed "you go".

I stood up and walked toward the door. I was trying as hard as I could to keep my balance and to walk in a straight line. The cop closed the door behind us and we walked down a long, badly lit hallway.

The walls, floor, and ceiling were made from cement. There were no windows, and there was a 50 watt light bulb in the ceiling every five feet or so. We got to yet another door and the cop opened it. There was one of those wire screens; like the ones in prison movies. There was a chair on one side; my side, I guessed. And Dally was on the other side.

"You have five minutes," the cop said before he left; closing the door behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"Well, come on Pony. What are you waiting for?" Dally said.

I walked over to the chair and sat down. "Hey Dally," I said.

"Hey," He said. "We only have five minutes, so I'm going to tell you this as quick as I can. OK?"

"Tell me what?" I asked.

Dally sighed. "You know that ring that Aurora wanted me to have when she died?"

I nodded.

"There's a story behind that, and I think you should know it," Dally said. "She was your best friend."

"When Aurora was in seventh grade, we were both really considering dual suicide," Dally said. "We both thought that life wasn't worth it. Back then, she didn't see you as her boyfriend. I had that honor. We would talk a lot when you were at track meets, and that was when we came up with our suicide idea. We couldn't just go off and kill ourselves at any random moment; we needed a signal…"

"The ring?" I asked.

"Yeah," Dally said. "Aurora and I were talking when you were at a track meet…"

Dally's voice trailed off. I thought he was going to cry for a second, but then he started the story again.

"I really loved her for a while. I was kind of drunk, and I asked her if she'd marry me. She said that when she gave me a ring, I would probably die pretty soon. That was when we came up with the signal. When Aurora gave me her ring, it meant that she was ready to die. If I put it on, it meant that I was too."

I looked at Dally's hand and noticed that he was wearing the ring. That was when everything was clear to me. I knew everything that Dally was going to say.

"Aurora was ready to die when she did. That's why she gave the ring to me. Ever since I put the ring on, I've been looking for ways to die. I decided that just shooting or stabbing myself wasn't good enough. I needed something better." Dally continued. "One night, I was walking around looking for trouble; and that was when I saw the cop. I saw that as my chance; I jumped him and started throwing punches. I didn't mean to beat him up, Pony. I meant to kill him. That along with all my other crimes would have gotten me several years."

Dally stopped to catch his breath. We only had two minutes.

"I was going to be a total asshole in prison, and I was hoping I would get killed there." Dally said. "But I messed up somehow. I picked the wrong cop, didn't fight hard enough or something. I'm only going for a year and a half. I don't know if that's long enough. I may or may not see you again. It depends on how well my plan works."

Dally sighed. "So, that's about all there is to it."

I didn't answer.

"You been smoking pot?" Dally asked.

"I can't sleep," I said. "I keep having nightmares about Aurora."

Then Dally said something that surprised me, "You too?"

Then I noticed that Dally's eyes were also red with dark circles under them. His skin was pale and his face looked tight and drawn. A nerve next to his eye was twitching.

Then everything happened really fast. The cop said that my time was up. I said bye to Dally and he said that he might see me in a year. The cop was closing the door when Dally yelled, "They get worse!"

The cop turned around and yelled at Dally and then the cop led me down the dark cement hallway. I felt like the hall was closing in on me. I couldn't breathe. I felt myself stumble a few times. I saw the door at the end of the hallway and we were getting closer to it. The cop opened the door and I walked out. I was only two steps into the room. Everything was fuzzy, but I could see Darry running toward me. It seemed like he was moving in slow motion, and the ground was getting closer to me. I hit the floor, hard, and then everything was black.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Author's note: I know this chapter is really short, but the next one is longer. Thanks for all your reviews!

I woke up with a really bad headache. I slowly opened my eyes and saw that I was in my room. Darry was sitting next to me; he was reading a book. What had happened? The last thing I remembered was the ground coming up to meet me.

"Darry," I said.

Darry looked at me, "Hey, you're awake."

"What happened?" I asked.

"You fainted," Darry said. "But everything's OK now. You're home." Darry sounded like he was trying to reassure himself more than me.

"How long have I been out?" I asked.

Darry looked at the clock "A few hours."

There was a short pause, and then Darry asked, "Did you have any nightmares?"

I didn't remember having any nightmares "No," I replied.

Everything was slowly starting to come back to me. I had been visiting Dally; he was going to the state prison. He had told me the story behind Aurora's silver ring. And there was something else. What was it? He asked if I'd been smoking pot…that wasn't important. What had I told him after that? What did Dally say?

"What did he say?" I said out loud.

"I didn't say anything," Darry said. He was giving me a worried look. "What are you talking about?"

"Never mind," I said.

What did Dally say? It was important. Why can't I remember? Was this what Aurora felt like when she was in the asylum? When she couldn't remember anything. I had told Dally that I couldn't sleep because I was having nightmares. Then he said…Then he said…Then he said…you too?

That was it. Dally had been having nightmares too. And he said they would get worse. It was a weird thought; Dallas Winston, the toughest hood in Tulsa, in all Oklahoma, was having nightmares. And they were about a girl that's fourteen.

No, she was fourteen. She's dead. Dr. Murphy's voice came back to me, "She's dead, Ponyboy. I'm very sorry that she is, but you need to come to terms with reality." He was always telling me to come to terms with reality. I don't like reality.

"Maybe you should go back to sleep," Darry said. "You look kind of sick."

I nodded and closed my eyes; pretending to be asleep. Darry left after a few minutes. I kept on thinking about what Dally had said. "They get worse". The nightmares were bad enough already. How could they possibly get worse? I don't think I want to know.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Disclaimer: I do not own "America's Most Wanted".

I was looking at Aurora. She was walking down the highway with a sign that said "New York City". She was carrying a backpack and crying. As I got closer to her, I could hear her talking to herself.

"This is stupid, I need to go back," She said.

Then she shook her head, "No, this is best. I was going to go to New York anyway."

"I should at least go back for Dally."

"But he doesn't want to go back to New York. He'd talk me out of it."

"I didn't say goodbye to Pony."

Aurora sighed and turned around. What was this? Was it a dream? It must have been. But how do I know what happened after Aurora left? She didn't even know.

Aurora was still walking back. She had almost made it to the city limits when one of those eighteen wheeler trucks pulled over. The driver got out of the car.

"Where you headed?" The truck driver asked.

Aurora was quiet for a minute, and then she said "New York City."

The driver smiled. "I can take you as far as the Virginia state line."

"Fine," Aurora said. "I'll pay you."

"We'll talk about that later," the truck driver said. "Just get in."

Aurora nodded and started to get into the truck. I felt like I knew the truck driver's face. Where had I seen it? Then I remembered; Leonardo and I had been watching "America's Most Wanted" one night while we were in the asylum. That guy…the truck driver was wanted for something. I couldn't remember what.

"Aurora! No!" I yelled.

But she couldn't hear me.

Before Aurora got into the truck she looked back toward the city. She looked like she was going to go back for a minute. Then she sighed.

"Goodbye Pony," she said softly. "I'll miss you."

Then Aurora got into the truck. The truck started and drove off.

"No!" I yelled. "Come back! Aurora, come back! Don't go with him!"

I knew I couldn't do anything to help Aurora, but I kept yelling.

I screamed for Aurora to come back until I heard someone saying. "Ponyboy. Pony, wake up."

I opened my eyes. Soda was sitting on the edge of the bed, and Steve was standing in the doorway. Steve looked pissed off, but Soda didn't.

"Are you OK?" Soda asked. "What was this one about?"

"I…" I said. My voice was shaky. "I don't want to talk about it yet."

Soda nodded. "Steve and I are going to the football game with Two-Bit, but Darry is here. OK?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Later," Soda said as he headed toward the door. Steve gave him a disgusted look, and they left. I waited until I heard the front door slam to get out of bed and get dressed. Once I had gotten dressed, I went into the living room. Darry was sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Hi," I said as I sat down next to him.

"Hey," Darry said. "Sounded like you were having another nightmare."

"Uh-huh," I said.

We were quiet for a few minutes; then I said "Dally said hi." He actually didn't, but I needed to break the silence.

Darry smiled. "He's an idiot." The way he said it was almost affectionate. "What was he thinking, jumping a cop?"

I took a deep breath. I thought that Darry should know about this. "He didn't mean to jump the cop," I said. "He meant to kill him."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Darry had taken the story kind of hard.

I knew that he would be worried about me, and feel sorry for me. But…I don't know; I guess Darry just…I don't even know what I'm talking about.

I told Darry everything Dally told me. About the ring, the suicide plan that he had with Aurora, and about my nightmare. Darry was quiet for a long time. The silence was awful; I thought that Darry didn't believe me. Then he said, "Wow." It wasn't so much what he said, but the way he said it that let me know he believed me.

"I'm sorry," Darry continued. "This must be really hard for you."

I nodded, "It is."

"I think maybe we should call Dr. Murphy tomorrow," Darry said. "He said you would have nightmares, but this just doesn't seem normal."

I didn't want to remind Darry that Dally had been having the dreams too; that they had nothing to do with the shock of leaving the asylum, but something to do with Aurora.

"Is that OK?" Darry asked.

"Is what OK?" I asked.

"I'm calling Dr. Murphy tomorrow and seeing if we can see him; just for a few minutes. I'm not sending you back to the asylum," Darry said.

I just stared blankly at Darry. He thought I was still crazy.

"I don't think you're crazy," Darry started.

"I'm sure you don't," I said as I got off the couch and headed toward my room.

"Pony, wait," Darry called out.

But it was too late; I'd already closed the door to my room. I wasn't listening to Darry anymore.

Now that I think about it, Darry wasn't the one that had taken everything too hard.

I was.

I was the one that had left when Darry was trying to help me, I was the one that freaked out when Darry mentioned calling Dr. Murphy, and I was the one that had been hiding out in my room for the past three hours because I couldn't face Darry.

I looked at the clock; it was almost ten. Darry had to work tomorrow, so he was probably already asleep. I felt like I needed to talk to him, but I wasn't sure what about.

The house was dark when I left my room, and Soda still wasn't back from the game. I quietly opened the door to Darry's room. The lamp on his bedside table was on, but Darry was asleep. There was an open book next to him; he'd probably fallen asleep while he was reading. I moved the book to the bedside table, and then I turned off the light and laid down next to Darry. I didn't want to wake Darry up; I would talk to him in the morning. This was enough for now.

"'Night Darry," I said. "I love you."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

The room was dark. I could faintly hear someone crying; as I got closer I realized it was Aurora. She was curled up in a corner of the room; her shirt was torn, and her nose was bloody. In fact, her whole body was bloody. I could hear some people laughing and talking in the background. Where was she?

Aurora dragged herself out of the corner; it looked like it hurt her to move. She stumbled around the room until she found a light switch. She flipped the light switch on and some dim lights turned on. It looked like she was in a storage room. There were boxes everywhere, and the floor was made of cement. Aurora's backpack and sign were in the middle of the floor. Aurora limped over to them and went through her backpack.

"Still there," She said. I didn't know what she was talking about. Then she reached into her pocket.

"Damn it!" She yelled. "He took it!"

I guessed that 'he' was the truck driver. That was what he was wanted for…he had robbed a bank.

Aurora sighed and picked up her backpack. She headed for the door and put her hand on the knob. She turned it slowly, and opened the door even slower. There was a dark hallway, but there was a light at one end. Aurora walked toward the light. The light was a room; a bar…and a seedy one by what I could see. The truck driver was sitting at the end of the bar farthest away from Aurora. He looked pretty drunk. The door that led out of the bar was only about two yards away from the hall that Aurora was standing in.

Aurora quickly made sure that she had everything, and then she ran toward the door. No one noticed Aurora leaving; everyone in the bar was either drunk, or engrossed in a football game that was on TV. Aurora kept running until she was far away from the bar. Then she stopped and sat down on the edge of the road. I realized that she was still crying.

"I need to go back," she sobbed. "I really do."

"But I'm this far," She said. I didn't like these arguments that she had with herself. Was she already going crazy?

Then Aurora started rocking back and fourth, "Pony, where are you?" she asked. "I'm scared." It was like she was in a trance or something. Aurora's eyes were glazed, and she was staring into space. Then she shook her head and snapped out of it.

"I need to keep going," She said as she stood up.

Aurora didn't find anyone else to ride with until about six in the morning. A middle-aged woman pulled over.

"What happened?" She asked. Aurora was still bruised and bloody.

"My dad," Aurora lied. "He beats me up. I finally decided to run away. I have grandparents in New York. I'm going to live with them."

The woman in the car reached over and opened the door. "I'm sorry. I can take you as far as Philadelphia."

"That's fine," Aurora said as she got in the car.

The door to the car slammed, and then the car drove off. At least Aurora probably wouldn't get beat up and robbed with this person.

At least, I hopped not.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I sat bolt upright and started looking around. Where was Aurora? Then I remembered, Aurora was dead; it must have been another dream. I looked over at the clock; 6:30. Darry was still asleep, I wondered if I should wake him up and tell him about the dream. I decided it probably wasn't a good idea; it hadn't really been a nightmare. I was about to go back to sleep when I heard the front door slam. We had never been robbed before, but I wanted to see who it was.

There was no one in the living room, but I cold hear someone in the kitchen. I looked in; it was Soda.

"Soda?" I said as I walked into the kitchen.

Soda turned around. He had a black eye.

"What happened?" I asked.

Soda sighed, "Steve and I got into a fight."

"About what?" I asked.

Soda shook his head. "He kept calling you crazy; said that you should still be in the nut-house. He asked if we had a straightjacket for you…I don't know if he was drunk; I hope he was. I asked Steve if he was joking, and he said 'hell, no'."

"So you two started fighting?" I asked.

Soda nodded, "Steve's my best buddy, but I couldn't have him making fun of you like that."

I smiled. I had been sort of afraid that Darry and Soda were mad at me for having nightmares. But Soda's standing up for me showed me that at least he wasn't mad at me. I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty though, Soda and Steve were best friends and now they hated each other, and it was all because of me.

Darry got up a few minutes later, and he and Soda started to get ready for work. They didn't want to leave me alone, but I told them that I'd be fine. I wasn't so sure that I'd be fine though. I was starting to feel depressed; I had caused the fight between Soda and Steve. It was all my fault.

Once Darry and Soda had left, I sat on the couch and watched TV for a while. I couldn't shake the feeling of depression. I felt responsible for making Steve and Soda hate each other, and to make matters worse, I missed Aurora. Being home made me miss her even more.

I kept waiting for Aurora to walk in the door and say something like, "Pony, they got some new rabbits at the pet store." or "I hate my ballet costume, it's the ugliest thing I've ever seen." I sighed, the more I tried to not miss Aurora, the more I missed her.

I needed to get out of the house. It was depressing me. I needed to run; I was going back to school in a couple of weeks. If I wanted to be on the track team, I would need to start running again. I got up off the couch and bolted out the door and out of our yard. I didn't know where I was going; I would decide when I got there.


	11. Chapter 11

Author's note: I finally wrote another chapter on this story. I was studying for mid-terms, then the holidays came along and…I'm making excuses. But, I'm back now, and I hope you like this chapter.

Chapter 11

For a while, I couldn't decide where to go. It was like nowhere was safe, everywhere I went reminded me of Aurora. Finally, I wound up in front of the school that I went to before I went to the asylum. I looked at my watch; it was 3:00, school was about to get out. I didn't know if Two-Bit had gone to school that day or not, but I decided to wait around in case he had.

I walked around the school grounds waiting for the bell to ring. There wasn't really much to see; the school is just an old, two-story brick building with dirty windows. The grass around the school was dead, and there were a bunch of mud puddles everywhere. The track and football field are behind the school, I started walking toward track; maybe I would see some of my old friends.

There was no one on the track. That was strange because seventh period is when the athletes do most of their practicing. Maybe there was a pep rally going on, that was the only logical reason for no one being there. I walked around the deserted track wondering where everyone was until the bell rang. I headed toward the front of the school, I wasn't too worried about Two-Bit already leaving; he usually stays after school and talks to people.

I was standing in the area in front of the school where everyone waits for their friends or to be picked up, when I heard some people talking.

"Hey, isn't that Ponyboy Curtis?" One of the people said.

"Yeah, I think it is," someone else said.

"Where was he? He just disappeared for like, a year," Someone said.

"I heard he went crazy," one of the people said.

"I heard that too," someone else said. "That friend of his, Aurora, she died or something and then he tried to do suicide."

"So did his brothers take him out of school?" someone asked.

"No, he got sent to an asylum," one of the people said.

"An asylum?" Someone asked.

"Yeah," one of the people replied.

"So he's really crazy?"

"I guess so."

"So what's he doing back here?"

"I have no idea."

That was all of their conversation that I heard because Two-Bit walked up to me and said, "Hey, Pony, what are you doing here?"

I could feel the people that were talking about me staring at me. I guessed that I'd have to get used to the feeling of getting stared at. People would probably be staring at me a lot when I came back to school.

"Pony, didn't you hear me?" Two-Bit asked.

"Oh, yeah," I replied. "I don't know."

Two-Bit laughed and shook his head, "You're one weird kid. C'mon, let's get out of here; I've had enough school for one day."

I followed Two-Bit off the school grounds. We started walking toward my house. About halfway there Two-Bit said, "So, when do you go back to school?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea."

"Pretty much everyone at school knows that you're out of the asylum now," Two-Bit said. "There are all sorts of rumors going around."

"You're making me feel so much better," I said sarcastically.

"'Just thought I'd give you fair warning," Two-Bit said.

Great, now I had another thing to try not to think about. First I was trying not to think about how much I missed Aurora, and now I had to try not to think about the living hell that school would be. I also still felt guilty about the fight that I had caused between Soda and Steve. I knew that I had promised myself that I wouldn't try suicide again, but then all these problems had come up and I needed a solution.

Suicide was looking like the best answer to my problems. But I couldn't, I would be letting Darry down.

Two-Bit was babbling about Mickey Mouse. My house was coming up; I needed some time alone.

"Hey Two-Bit, I've gotta go, OK," I said when we got to my house.

Two-Bit nodded and kept walking and I went inside the house. I sunk down on the couch. Why was I feeling so depressed all of a sudden? Then I remembered the anti-depressants that Dr. Murphy had given Darry "In case of emergencies". I think that this would qualify as an emergency. Now, where did Darry put the anti-depressants?


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

It wasn't until after I'd taken the anti-depressants that I remembered something about them. They make you tired.

I paced around the house; I had to do something to keep from falling asleep. I hadn't had a nightmare last night, but I was afraid that I would. I started banging my head into a wall, I was desperate.

"Stay awake, stay awake," I said to myself. Then I heard someone say, "Ponyboy, what are you doing?"

I turned around to see Soda standing in the doorway. I looked at the clock; it was only five. He normally doesn't get home until eight. What was he doing here?

"Pony," Soda said as he walked over to me. He put his hand on my shoulder, "Are you OK? What were you doing?"

I wanted to tell him everything. About what the Socs at school had said, about how I felt responsible about the fight between him and Steve. How I had taken the anti-depressants because I felt so bad. But I didn't, I didn't want to worry him.

"I'm just not feeling too good," I said.

Soda still looked kind of worried. Maybe he didn't believe me, he had every reason not to; it had been a pathetic lie.

"You're sure?" Soda asked. "Two-Bit came down the DX and said that you were acting kind of funny. I left work early; I wanted to make sure that you were alright."

Again that voice inside me was screaming at me to tell Soda everything. But I knew that I shouldn't, I would just be worrying him more. Why did I have to be crazy? I should be back in the asylum where I belong. I didn't want to tell Soda that I wasn't alright, but I didn't want to lie to him again so I tried to change the subject.

"So…did work go OK?" Soda and Steve work together, maybe they had gotten into another fight and Soda would tell me about it. Then I'd be off the hook. Of course, nothing ever goes my way.

"That won't work Pony," Soda said; shaking his head. "If anything that makes me think even more that something is wrong."

I sighed. "I don't know."

"What?" Soda asked.

"I…I just don't know!" I yelled. "Why can't you leave me alone?" I turned away from Soda and bolted into the room that we shared and closed and locked the door behind me. Soda knocked loudly on the door for several minutes trying to get me to come out, but I wasn't leaving.

I sulked in our room for five hours.

Most of the time I was asleep, but while I was awake I decided not to have emotions. They just get in the way. They make your brothers worry, and they get you put in insane asylums. After I'd decided this, I got up and left the room. I was halfway to the living room when I heard Darry and Soda talking.

"So, he locked you out of the room?" Darry asked.

"Yeah," Soda said. "He's been sulking for the past five hours. I heard him crying once or twice. Darry, I'm worried about him."

"I know, I am too," Darry said. "If he's not out of there in ten minutes, I'm either breaking the door down or taking the doorknob off. This doesn't sound good. He's not acting right."

There was silence for a few seconds before Darry said, "I mentioned calling his Psychologist last night, just to ask him about the nightmares. Pony got scared and did the same thing, locked himself in his room. I woke up in the middle of the night, and he had come into my room and was sleeping next to me. It was like he was trying to say he was sorry, but it still bothered me."

"So, he felt guilty," Soda said. "I would have too."

"But it wasn't just about that," Darry said. "He feels guilty about Aurora, and for worrying us. He just doesn't understand…"

"Darry," Soda interrupted. "What if he has a blade? What if he cut himself and now he's bleeding to death, what if he's already dead?"

I heard Darry and Soda get out of their chairs as fast as they could. One of the chairs fell over. I had been crouching in the hallway, but I quickly got up. I had just stood up when Darry ran into me and sent me sprawling onto the floor.

"Pony," Darry said as he picked me up. "I'm so sorry. Are you OK?"

Now the inside voice was telling me to tell Darry everything, but no. I was supposed to not have emotions. I couldn't tell him.

"I'm fine," I said.

"You're sure?" Darry asked. I noticed he was looking at my arms; probably making sure I hadn't cut myself.

"Yeah," I said.

Darry nodded, "Well…OK. You didn't eat dinner, are you hungry?"

I shook my head, "My stomach feels sort of funny," I lied. "I think I'll just go to bed."

"We were just about to turn in too," Soda said. He and Darry were both looking at me worriedly.

While we got ready for bed either Darry or Soda kept an eye on me. They had every reason to be worried, but they weren't making me feel any better. I couldn't help but wonder if Soda would sleep that night, or if he would stay awake to make sure that I didn't cut myself in my sleep or something.

I was just starting to fall asleep when Soda said, "Pony?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"You know that Darry and I love you don't you?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Alright," Soda said. "'Night, Pony."

"'Night," I said.

I wondered about how Darry and Soda could love me if I didn't love myself until I finally fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I was going back to school tomorrow.

It had been a week since I'd decided not to have emotions, and it wasn't working out too well. Well, maybe it was; it kind of depended on how you looked at it.

Darry and Soda finally felt like I was getting used to life out of the asylum, and they seemed like they were worrying less about me. Darry was proud of me, and he filled out all the papers and junk to get me back in school. He even talked to the track coach to see if I could try out late. He and Soda were so proud of me.

I however felt awful. Sure, I was glad that Darry and Soda weren't on my back all the time, but everything else was bad. I was feeling even more depressed than normal. Darry had thrown out the anti-depressants because he thought that I didn't need them anymore. When he and Soda had gone to sleep, I got up and dug through the garbage until I found the bottle of anti-depressants. I'd been taking one every day, and I was almost out. I couldn't get a refill on them, and I didn't know what I was going to do when I finally ran out.

I wanted to strangle Darry when he said that he had filled out the paperwork and I would be going back to school. I almost did strangle him when he said that he had talked to the track coach and asked if I could try out. The coach said yes; just my luck. I was also going to be in all advanced classes. I had been before I went to the asylum, but I didn't think that I could do it anymore. Back then, I didn't have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I felt like that guy from Greek mythology, Atlas, who had to hold the Earth for the rest of his life. No, I don't feel like him, I envy him. He had it easy. The world is nothing compared to what I have to deal with now.

I've been having more and more nightmares about Aurora. I don't wake up screaming anymore, they just scare me. They aren't about her going to New York anymore; they're all about the same thing. I'm standing by her grave, putting flowers and a stuffed animal rabbit there. I go back the next day, and the flowers are gone, but the rabbit is still there. That happened every day until there was a whole army of stuffed animal rabbits standing next to her grave. I would go back one day, and Aurora would be playing with the stuffed animal rabbits. For some reason, I didn't think it was all that strange. And I would ask her "What happened to the flowers?" Then Aurora would say: "I gave them to some people that I love. They needed them more than I did."

Then Aurora nodded to two gravestones next to hers, they both had flowers on them. At first I thought that they were my parent's, but when I looked closer, I noticed that the first name said Dallas Winston and the other one said Ponyboy Michael Curtis. I looked at Aurora in shock, I couldn't be dead. Aurora was still innocently playing with the stuffed animal rabbits. "Aurora," I said, "This isn't right. I'm not dead."

"Of course you are." Aurora said. "Don't you remember, you killed yourself right after you talked to your brothers?" I would try to ask Aurora what she meant, but she would disappear before I could ask.

The dream scared me so bad that I didn't talk to Darry and Soda for a day or two; I wasn't ready to die yet. I was depressed, sure, but not suicidal. Once I talked to them and I didn't die, I decided that it was just a dream, that it didn't mean anything. But if the dream didn't mean anything, how come it happens so often? I hadn't told Darry or Soda about the dream, and I was pretending to be excited about going back to school. I even went so far as to tell Darry that I had called some of my old friends. That was a complete lie, I wouldn't have done something so stupid, and even if I had they probably would have said something like "Ponyboy who?" or "Sorry, but I don't hang out with crazy people."

That night at dinner Soda was telling us (in great detail) about his day at work. He and Steve still hadn't made up, and I still felt responsible about causing a fight between my brother and his best friend. Soda was telling us about how Steve had dumped a can of motor oil on his head when Darry interrupted by saying, "Pony, you're awful quiet? Are you feeling OK, you're not sick are you?"

"No," I replied. "I'm fine."

I looked at the clock, it was almost ten. "It's getting late. I probably should go to bed, I have school tomorrow," I said. I started to stand up, but Darry stopped me.

"You hardly touched your dinner," he said.

"I'm just not that hungry," I said. "I'm just nervous I guess."

Darry nodded. "Alright," he said.

I took a shower and then flopped into bed. I didn't want tomorrow to come; maybe I could stop time somehow. No, that would be impossible. I had to go to school.

But I knew I wouldn't enjoy it.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

School was a nightmare.

I knew that it would be bad from the second I walked into homeroom. Everyone was talking, but when I came into the room, it got _quiet_. You could have heard a pin drop. I sat down at an empty desk and pretended not to notice that everyone was staring at me.

Walking from class to class, the only gossip I heard was about me. When I walked by, people would stop what they were doing and look at me. All my old friends refused to talk to me. They pretended that I wasn't even there.

I wanted to go home.

I wanted my anti-depressants.

I got called out of third period to go to the counselor's office. I hoped that it was just a problem with my schedule, but nothing goes my way anymore.

When I got there, I didn't have to wait to see the counselor. That was really strange because you usually have to wait a few minutes to see her. When I walked into her office, she had one of those fake smiles plastered on her face. I got a kick out of the sign on her door though. It said 'school psychologist'. If the counselor is a psychologist, then I'm a Soc…

"Hello, Ponyboy," the counselor said. "Have a seat."

I sat down in a chair, "Is there something wrong?" I asked.

"No," the counselor said. "In case you don't remember, my name is Mrs. Moore, and I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes."

For the next half hour, I got a lecture on how she knew that my coming back to school would be hard 'considering the circumstances', but she hoped I would stay.

"Don't take the rumors personally either," Mrs. Moore said. "I know everyone is talking about you now, but they will have lost interest by next week. I was your age once too you know, so I know how these things work."

Mrs. Moore was probably my age during the Stone Age. No amount of makeup could cover up all her wrinkles, everyone knows that she wears a wig, and I think she has dentures. How else could someone that old have perfect teeth? I realized that Mrs. Moore was asking me a question.

"You understand, don't you Pony?" Mrs. Moore asked.

"Um…yes," I replied. I didn't know what she was talking about.

"Good," Mrs. Moore said. "Just remember what I said: try to concentrate on your classes, try to make new friends, and don't pay attention to what everyone is saying. And remember, I'm always here to help you. You may go now."

I got out of the counselor's office as quickly as I could. I didn't want anyone to see me; that would make everything a lot worse. Why did Darry have to put me back in school? Why wasn't I back home? Why did Aurora have to die? I was confused and depressed. I was considering just leaving, but someone would definitely tell Darry. I didn't need Darry being mad at me on top of everything else.

I had third lunch, so that meant that I had to sit through all of fourth period before lunch. I had English that period, and we were reading Macbeth. It was just my luck that that day we were discussing the suicide of Lady Macbeth. Every time the teacher said "suicide" everyone would look at me. The teacher didn't even mind! There aren't words for how happy I was when that class was over. I hoped that Two-Bit and I would have the same lunch.

It turned out that Two-Bit had second lunch, so I didn't know anyone. I sat at a back table by myself. The people around me were talking quietly and snickering. I heard my name several times in their conversation. Why did Darry do this to me? He should have known that I wasn't ready to go back to school. I was sick of hearing the people laughing at me, so I got up and left. I was going to hide out in the bathroom for the rest of lunch. When I walked by their table everyone burst out laughing; there was no doubt they were laughing at me.

I suffered through my next three classes. I was supposed to meet up with the track coach in the gym after school to try out for track, but I didn't feel like it. I just wanted to go home.

When I got home I went straight to my room and looked under the loose floorboard under my bed. That was where I was keeping the bottle of anti-depressants. I only had two left. My heart sank; I was going to need a lot more than two anti-depressants. I had the rest of the school year to go. I walked into the kitchen with one of the pills in hand. I got a glass of water and swallowed the pill. I only had one left, how was I going to live?

When Darry came home from work and asked me about how school was, I lied to him. I didn't want him to worry. I knew that I should have told Darry how awful it was, he might have been able to get me a transfer to a different school. Probably everyone in the city knew about my going to the asylum by now though. For the rest of the night all that I could think about was that I only had one anti-depressant left and that I had to go back to school the next day.

I didn't know how I would make it.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

As school went on I got more and more depressed. I took my last anti-depressant and then started taking Aspirin every day. They didn't work very well, they were kind of like a tranquilizer, I guess. Aspirin isn't made to help with depression though, and that was what I really needed help with.

I had stopped caring about everything. Life seemed kind of fuzzy; most days it was like I was watching myself go to school, come home, and not do my homework. I was failing all my classes. Darry screamed at me every day about it, I didn't care.

We got a letter from the state prison saying that Dally had been killed by a fellow inmate, I didn't care. I got another letter from Dally, he had written it a few days before he died. I got the letter from Dally on the same day we found out that he had died. I took the letter to my room and read it. It said:

_Pony,_

_So, I've been a complete ass right? This guy swears that he's going to kill me in a few days. I hope he's right, I'm ready to die. Everything sucks. I don't know if you feel the same way, but in case you do, I sent you the ring. If you're feeling like life sucks and you're ready to die then put it on. It's kind of a tradition. If you're not then…I dunno, bury it or throw it away or something. I really don't care. Listen kid, I was just writing to say goodbye. Oh, and by the way, burn this when you're done reading it. I don't want your brothers to think I'm responsible for making you depressed or something._

_I'll see you later or something, I guess._

_Dally_

I looked at the ring, turning it over in my hand. If it had been earlier, I wouldn't have even thought about putting the ring on. Now though, I was seriously considering it. I had been in school for over a month. I knew that it wouldn't get any better. Darry yelled at me every day about my grades, and I was sick of it. I sipped the ring on my finger. I felt kind of stupid but heck, it was a tradition.

Darry's POV

Pony isn't acting right.

He hasn't been doing his assignments in and out of school. I yell at him every day about it, but he doesn't seem to notice. I've asked him several times if everything is alright at school; he just says that everything is fine. He doesn't elaborate. I know that he's lying, but I can't get him to talk to me. He seems distant, even Soda can't talk to him. Lately the Aspirin has been disappearing from the bottle. Soda isn't taking it, and I only take one when I pull a muscle at work. I think that Pony has been taking them, but why?

We found out a few days ago that Dally was dead, when I told Pony he just said "Oh". Then he left the room. It was like he didn't even care. He spends most of his time lying on his bed staring at the ceiling. I can't help but think that maybe I should try to be understanding instead of yelling at him, but whenever he brings home another failing grade I just loose my temper. Pony is smart; he shouldn't be making these grades.

Ponyboy's teachers have been calling me, telling me that he's not participating in class and that he seems lethargic. His morning teachers have been complaining that he falls asleep during their classes. I'm afraid that he might try to kill himself, but he can't. He's out of the asylum, he's better; he's just having a hard time at school.

Maybe things will be better tomorrow.

Soda's POV

I'm worried about Pony.

Darry has been yelling at him. He's failing all his classes. Pony refuses to talk to either of us. He also hasn't been eating; we've even been making his favorite foods for dinner every night. At dinner, Pony just pushes the food around his plate with his fork. When we asked him why he wasn't eating Pony just said "I'm not hungry."

Darry made a chocolate cake last night; he was hoping that it would cheer Pony up. He'd been hiding out in our room, I thought that the smell of the cake would make him leave, but it didn't. When the cake was done I went back to our room. Pony was curled up on the bed. I sat down next to him; he had been crying; I could see tear stains on his face.

"Pony," I said softly. "Darry made a chocolate cake for you."

Ponyboy closed his eyes. "I don't feel too good Soda," Pony said. "I don't think I'm up to cake right now."

"But it's your favorite," I said.

"Soda…just…I'm not hungry, Ok," Pony replied.

"Pony, please," I begged. "You haven't eaten anything for several days. Just come and eat some of the cake."

Ponyboy got up and dragged himself into the kitchen. I could tell that he had to force himself to eat the cake. He had this look in his eyes the whole time, it took me a while to realize what it was, but when I finally recognized the look I felt so sorry for Pony. He had this pleading look in his eyes, like when babies really want you to hold them they get this look. That was what Pony looked like. After he had eaten the cake he went back to our room. I sat down on the bed next to him. I tried to talk to Pony, but he wouldn't respond. I tried to hold him, but he pushed me away.

"Just go away Soda," Pony said. "I'm fine."

Somehow the way he said it sounded like he was begging me to stay. I was going to keep sitting by him but then Darry called me into the kitchen.

"Yeah," I said once I got there.

"Did Pony not like the cake?" Darry asked.

"I don't think he likes anything anymore," I replied truthfully.

"I'm worried about him," Darry said.

"I am too," I replied.

I just hoped that Ponyboy would come back to reality, and that he wouldn't try to kill himself.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

The next morning I got up and got dressed for school. I didn't want to go. Maybe I could tell Darry how horrible school was now; I think he and Soda suspect something. I was starting to walk out the door when Darry stopped me.

"You're not going to school today," Darry said.

"What?" I asked. I didn't want to go to school, but this wasn't like Darry. Why was he keeping me home? I wasn't sick.

"Your teachers keep calling me and complaining that you're falling asleep during class," Darry said. "I'm sick of them calling me. I'm keeping you home today so that you can get some rest and pay attention tomorrow."

I nodded. I didn't really care.

"And I'm not going to let this keep me and Soda out of work," Darry said. "I expect you to behave yourself. Is that clear?"

I nodded again.

"Good, now go back to bed," Darry said.

I walked back to the room that Soda and I share and flopped down on the bed. There was really no difference between school and home anymore. All I did was sleep both at school and at home. At school I get made fun of, and at home I get yelled at. It's probably good that Darry is keeping me home though, at least I won't have to suffer as much today.

Soda came in to tell me goodbye before he and Darry left for work.

"Darry isn't mad at you Pony," Soda said. "He's just worried."

I nodded; I didn't feel much like talking. Plus, I didn't believe Soda.

I fell asleep and slept until about one. Then I got up and watched TV; there wasn't anything good on. I started thinking about school. I thought that it was good that I was staying home today, but once I started thinking about it, it wasn't. The rumors would probably be even worse tomorrow. Everyone would probably think that I had tried to kill myself again. School would be even worse than before. What was I going to do?

I started pacing around the house. I started thinking about suicide again. No! I couldn't do that. I'm scaring myself. I started thinking about calling Dr. Murphy. I couldn't do that either, he would be disappointed. He said that he was always there for me, but I was letting him down by thinking about doing suicide again. I wanted to scream. What was I going to do?

It's five o'clock and I'm sitting on my bed. Staring down the barrel of Darry's hunting rifle. I thought he'd sold it when mom and dad died to help pay for the funeral bills, but he hadn't. Maybe part of him was actually afraid that we would get robbed someday.

My suicide note was lying on the bedside table next to me, it said:

_Darry and Soda, _

_I'm sorry it had to end this way, but this is the best thing for all of us. I'm hurting more than you could ever imagine. I've been telling you that school is fine, but it's not. It's a waking nightmare. I'm so depressed. Darry, you know when you threw out the anti-depressants? Well, after you and Soda were asleep I got up and dug them out of the garbage. I ran out of them over a month ago, and I've been taking Aspirin every day. I know you were wondering where they went, so now you know._

_I know that my being gone is going to hurt you, but you'll suffer a lot less than if I was alive. Just remember that I'm in a better place, and I wanted to die._

_I love you guys,_

_Ponyboy_

I was crying. I wasn't scared, I was just crying. I wondered what it would feel like to have a bullet go through my head. I probably wouldn't feel it at all, I'd be dead. I remembered when we used to go and shoot deer, and how I didn't want to kill them. Dad got mad at me, and I had been so upset. Back then though, I didn't know the meaning up upset.

So this was it, I was going to be another statistic, another deer getting shot. Suddenly I didn't care. I just wanted it to be over. I was about to pull the trigger when I heard the front door open.

"Pony," I heard Darry say.

Oh no! They were home! I had to get this over with fast. I pulled the trigger and…nothing happened. I realized that it was still on safety. I hurriedly took the gun off safety.

"Pony?" Darry's voice was closer. Then he was screaming, "PONY! NO! PUT IT DOWN! DON'T!"

There was a loud crash as the gun fell to the floor. The next thing I knew, Darry was next to me, holding me as tightly as he could and crying.

"I'm sorry, Darry," was all that I could say.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Soda!" Darry screamed. "Soda!"

I heard someone running back toward the room and then Soda was standing in the doorway.

Darry pointed with a shaking finger at the gun, "Take," he sobbed, "take that _thing _outside and bury it. Bury it deep."

"Darry?" Soda asked timidly, "What happened? Why do you want me to…"

"Just do it!" Darry barked.

Soda hurriedly picked up the gun and left the room. Darry held me for several more minutes. Then he saw my suicide note on the table. He picked it up and read it. Then he looked at me, his ice blue eyes filled with tears, "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. His voice was hoarse from crying.

"I didn't want to worry you," I said.

Soda came back in an hour or so later covered in dirt. Darry handed him my suicide note. Soda looked at it, and then at me. Then he sat down next to me and Darry on the bed.

We sat there like that for several hours.

We decided then that we were moving. It looked like the best thing. Soda and Steve still hadn't made up for one thing, but the main reason was me. I had tried to kill myself. Darry had promised that he wouldn't send me back to the asylum or school, and we were going to start packing and filling out all the papers to sell our house the next day. I didn't know what Two-Bit was going to do. He hadn't been talking to Steve either, he would be all alone. I guess I wasn't too worried about him though, Two-Bit would be able to make new friends.

That night, Darry and Soda sat next to me while I slept. One of them always had a hand on my shoulder. It was like they couldn't believe I was real.

The next morning Soda and I were eating breakfast. Darry was out looking for boxes to pack stuff in.

"Pony," Soda said. "Don't ever do this again, this is the third time we've almost lost you, and that's three times too many."

"I won't," I said, "I promise."

A few hours later, Darry was back and we started packing. Two-Bit showed up a while later and helped us. He was upset that we were leaving, but after hearing that I had tried to do suicide again I don't think he minded as much.

Within a few weeks we had everything packed and we had sold the house to these two hippies. We had no idea where we were going, but we were leaving. Two-Bit was waiting out at the car.

"Bye ya'll," he said. He was trying not to cry.

We all hugged Two-Bit and promised we would write to him or call or something. We should have taken him with us. Darry and Soda got in the car, but I stayed outside and talked to Two-Bit for a minute.

"Take care of Aurora for me," I said.

Two-Bit looked confused, he had every reason to.

"Make sure she has flowers, and that no one spray-paints her tombstone or anything like that," I said.

That time Two-Bit understood. He nodded and said "Sure thing, kid."

I realized that Darry and Soda were looking at me. They probably wanted me to wrap this up.

"We'll come back and visit," I said. "I promise. Bye, Two-Bit."

"Later kid," he said as I go into the car.

Darry started the car and we drove off. Two-Bit stood in front of our house and watched us leave. He finally turned around and walked away. I watched our neighborhood get smaller and smaller until there was nothing left of it. I looked ahead of us and there was nothing but the open road. There were new lives out there somewhere for us, we just had to find them.


	18. Epilogue

Epilogue

Author's Note: This is the last part of the story. It's two letters. The first one is by Two-Bit, and the second one is by Ponyboy. Thank you for all the reviews, I should have another story up by the weekend.

-BillyMartinGoodCharlottefan

_Dear Pony, Soda, and Darry_

_I got your letter. Lexington, Kentucky huh? I hear there's a lot of horses there, Soda, you must be in heaven. I'm glad Pony's made some friends. Darry, you got a job that pays five bucks an hour, where could I get one of those?_

_Nothing much is happening here. I decided to drop out of school; I'm working as a stock boy at a grocery store. It pays Ok, I guess, it's helping mom put my kid sister through school. I saw Steve the other day, he was buying beer._

_Pony, I went to put some flowers on Aurora's grave like you asked me to the other day, and this whole family of rabbits was living just a few feet away. I thought it was kind of scary because she liked rabbits so much._

_So, write me another letter. It's boring here._

_-Two-Bit_

_Hey Two-Bit_

_Yeah, we're in Lexington. Soda is working at Keenland, the big racetrack here. He's a groom, he gives the horses baths and cleans their stalls and stuff. Yeah, Darry does have a job that pays a lot of money. The guy that's his boss now is really nice, Darry told him our story, and he's letting us live in a room in one of the apartment complexes that he built and owns. It's in a really nice neighborhood and we don't even have to pay rent, just the electric bills and stuff._

_I'm on varsity track, it's pretty cool. I've made friends with this really pretty girl that I'm on track team with. I think I'm going to ask her out next week._

_That is kind of creepy about the rabbits, but Aurora would have liked that._

_I'm sorry you're bored. It's almost summer, so we'll try to come sometime soon._

_-Ponyboy_

_The End_


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